When Moving On Is Not Applicable In Grief!

If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.  Psalm 37:23-24

Have you ever lost someone you truly loved? Have you ever had to face the world without your loved one? Have you ever grieved so deeply that it hurt to the bone? It’s an unbearable pain, even physical when you do not even know if you can live another second , and the thought of going on without your loved one, makes it almost undesirable!  I have, I know what it is like! I also know that there is no way that you can possibly relate to someone who is grieving unless you have experienced the pain yourself.

How does one go on? How does one develop the stupid term of “a new normal”? You don’t, you simply learn to exist in a world that is not understanding of the depth of your pain; at least in the beginning. If I was told thirteen years ago when I lost my brother that things were going to get better, I wouldn’t have believed it. It does slowly get to a point where you can get up and function, then moves on to a point where you are able to have moments of joy in your life,  and maybe if your lucky, you will move to a point of living that is mixed with both joy and sorrow, but the point is your living. Don’t get me wrong, I will not lie to you there is always that sinking feeling of grief in your heart and soul, but it does get easier over time.

What do you say to someone who has just lost someone? How do you act around them? A lot of people have misconstrued notions with expectations when it comes to a grieving person, and although I do not have all the answers, I know what NOT to say.

Please do not say, Is there anything I can do for you? You know other than bring their loved one back to them, there is nothing you can possibly do for them, so it is best to just not say it. It is nice to say I am sorry for your loss. it is comforting to say that you will be there, and available to talk , even on the phone, when your friend or family member is lying awake at three am, missing their loved one. It is nice to continue to talk about their loved one. Saying their name aloud, keeping their memory alive. To a grieving person, the fear of forgetting their loved one is almost too much to bear.

It is amazing that others that are not grieving are afraid to talk about that person’s loved one for fear of bring up something that will cause pain in the grieved. It is the exact opposite, it is unbearable when people forget about the lost love one, and move on with their own lives, never bringing up the one who was lost. It is impossible for a person to move on with their lives. Although they keep living, they have never moved on, and never will.

The God of All Comfort

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,⁸ the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us⁹ in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives,¹⁰ so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation;¹¹ if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.

The biggest mistake a person can make with another grieving person is to tell them it is time to move on!  The quickest way to cause pain and anger for a person, is to say the unimaginable thing of “moving on.”

When holidays come, please be sensitive to them and their feelings. Do not expect a person to celebrate and be joyful during those occasions. While it may be a joyous time for you, it is an extremely painful reminder of their loss. Be careful and sensitive to that person’s feelings, now is not the time to send them Christmas cards with pictures of your family inside the card.

Be willing to sit and listen to the person who grieves. Let them tell you for the hundredth time “Do you remember when…” stories about their loved one. Allow them to show you pictures, and except and be all right with their tears.

I know that there is reason for everything, and God is in control. It is okay to tell them that, but do not be insensitive to possible anger they may have with God over their loss. If God understands their anger, and mourns with them, than it should be expected for you to do the same. Just keep reminding them that you are sorry for their loss, without saying I understand, unless you truly do with your own loss.

Hugs,

Traci

 

Daring Faith Study Week One

This is week one of the new study “Daring Faith” by Rick Warren. It is a church wide study in growing our faith! I can’t tell you what a difference in my life this study has done, and it is only week one. My Monday night group is small, but the love and passion in this group is unimaginable! I have learned so much as what it truly takes to have faith, and what having faith can do for your own life.

Pastor Rick begins the study off  with the verse, “According to your faith will it be done to you.” Matthew 9:29 (NIV). Quoting Rick, ” He says that Jesus is saying that you get to choose how much God blesses your life. You get to choose how much God uses you in his plan for the world.” Imagine that, we have such a role in discovering the God-given purpose for our lives.

Imagine spending your whole life wondering just what your purpose in life is? How would you feel if you never discovered it, and lived your whole life wandering through life-like the Israelites did for forty years in the Desert. It would be a sad, meaningless existence. I couldn’t even imagine going through my whole life without knowing that there is a Savior named Jesus Christ, and that he loves us unconditionally. Have you ever been loved unconditionally? I have heard it said to me before, and I know that to their best ability they did love me as much as they possibly could have. To know that there is a real one true God is what keeps me going.

I love what Pastor Rick says again, ” When we remember God’s faithfulness, we take new risks in faith. Remember prepares us for risking.” The most daring thing we can do is live for Jesus! Have you ever thought about what your life would be like if you lived with such a passion and love for Christ. You were bold and unafraid to step out and devote your whole life to Jesus. That is what I have decided for my life. I love that God is such a polite God, that He gives us the freedom and ability to make a conscious choice in what and who we believe it. I choose Jesus! I choose Jesus with the most passion and love that I am given in my abilities. I dedicate my life to making Him first. I feel good inside, I feel alive! I feel ready to make bold steps to show the World who Jesus truly is!”

“Daring faith is the key to fulfilling God’s will.” (Rick Warren)

In week one of the study we will cover the subject of Building a Life of Faith. Pastor Rick breaks it down so well when he says the following:

1. Faith is believing when I don’t see it. (Hebrews 11:1)

2. Faith is obeying when I don’t understand it. (Hebrews 11:7)

3. Faith is giving when I don’t have it. ( Hebrews 11:4)

4. Faith is persisting when I don’t feel like it. ( Hebrews 11:27)

5. Faith is thanking God before I receive it. (Hebrews 11:30)

6. Faith is trusting if I don’t get it. (Hebrews 11:38-40).

“Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.” Romans 8:28

Can you make a commitment to dive into the Word of God and pray for more faith? Pray for your unbelief too, as Paul did.  I know there are times when I doubt God, or I give something to God to work out, and then I get impatient and snatch it back from Him. I am thankful for His love, and His patience because I sure need it!  How about you?

What do you want to do about your faith?

Traci